Veterinarians and the Shattered Heart

Dear Beloved Veterinarian,

Our hearts are with you.

You are at an increased risk of suicide, 

and female veterinarians even more so.

You are 3.5 times more likely, and male veterinarians are 2.1 times as likely, to die from suicide as the general population. Notably, 75% of percent of the veterinarians who died by suicide worked in a small animal practice. Which is very likely how you practice.

And, you’re painfully aware that to the pet parent whose pet you just euthanized, the death will always be impossible to accept. Medically, no matter how necessary euthanasia was, no matter how much the act was a “prevention and relief of suffering,” that is not how the pet parent perceives it. 

Clearly and patiently, you delivered the diagnosis. But they were numb, exhausted and distressed, their heart unconvinced and unaccepting. They will, very shortly, enter the throes of denial and bargaining: Is this really happening? If only I had done… what if we tried…. did the vet really do all she could? To her, to most of us, knowing and accepting are as different as the heart is from the mind. 

You’ll be asked many times to explain exactly why their pet’s life was taken. They'll want to know “absolutely” why the euthanasia had to be. 

We at Animal Talks are often the next call pet parents makes. Or the call after that.

They hope we can help with the grief.

They'll talk about her doubts, sadness and inevitable second-guesses. 

“Shouldn’t my vet have recommended a neurologist?” 

“Isn’t a steroid dangerous in my cat’s condition!”

“Why did I agree to euthanasia? I was so tired and stressed I had no idea what the vet was talking about, ….”

Buying time. Protection from accepting the reality of the death. 

Profound guilt and feelings of complicity.

But because you and I (grief counselor and veterinarian) unfortunately don’t have a relationship, there’s little we can do together to help.

So, grief builds.

Because Euthanasia has less to do with the mind and everything to do with the heart and soul, those who seek psychotherapy for their pain and sadness are often unsatisfied and unhealed.

Few therapists are trained in grief work. 

Almost none are trained in pet grief work.

The patient work with the bereaved is someone else’s responsibility. Often ours.

The dominance of the medical model in our society makes it difficult to accept that a broken heart is not a mental health issue. There are pills for depression; none for sadness and lost love.

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Animal Talks (animaltalksinc.com) is a nonprofit whose mission is to help those grieving the loss of a beloved animal friend-or any loss actually. Animal Talks offers workshops, pet grief certification classes and regular healing circles for group support. Contact thembela@animaltalksinc.com, kaitlyn@animaltalksinc.com or kaleel@animaltalksinc.com with questions or inquiries.